The Fabulist Flash

Issue 19
ISSN: 1554-0804

Orange Mum Journal

In This Issue:

1. This Week
2. The Writer's Bookshelf
3. Feature Article
4. A Writer Tidbit
5. About The Fabulist Flash

1. This Week

Welcome to Issue 19 of The Fabulist Flash. Forward it to all your writing friends.

January is just flying by and I guess that means I'm having fun. We're already more than halfway through the month. Is your writing off to a flying start? Have you developed step-by-step plans to help you achieve your 2005 writing goals?

My own goals are coming together. I got to see the first mockup of the cover for my upcoming book, "50 Fabulous Gay-Friendly Places to Live." It's wonderful to see my name on a book cover. Of course, writing isn't finished yet, so I'm feeling a little pressure. They've also added the word "Live" to the title and that changes the focus some.

I love research and I now understand why people who write books become experts. There's no way around learning more than anyone else might ever want to know about a topic as you research and choose the gems that will be included in the final manuscript. I've been advised by my writing mentor to save all the extra material to use in future books, articles, newsletters, and speaking engagements.

One of the important pieces of my current book research is the interviews with community residents and city officials for the potential cities. Because of this, I've had to improve my listening skills. This week's feature article, "Ten Steps to Better Listening" by Adrian Savage, offers some sound advice anyone researching a book or article through interviews will find helpful. (It's also good advice to employ in personal relationships, too!)

Don't forget Valentines Day. You can save $5 off your Art Card and Gift purchase at http://gifts.kompes.com of $50 by using this coupon: VDAY50. Hurry, this sale ends 2/3/05.

Until next week,

Gregory
=================================================================

Gregory A. Kompes is a freelance writer and photographer. Learn more about Gregory and his work at http://www.Kompes.com
=================================================================

2. The Writer's Bookshelf

Mythology by Edith Hamilton

A review by Gregory A. Kompes

I was feeling a little lost when it came to mythology. Somehow, I managed to get an Ivy League degree without coming away with a working knowledge of the Greek and Roman myths. Like everything else in life, if I don't understand something or know something, I look for a book.

There are a great many texts and reference written on the ancient myths. So, I started asking around, hoping to narrow my search. A friend recommended Edith Hamilton's Mythology: Times Tales of Gods and Heroes.

Ms. Hamilton's Mythology is written in straight forward language. Not that I don't enjoy poetry, but it's much easier to glean the tales from Ms. Hamilton's work than out of Homer for example. Plus, they're all there. All the heroes, daughters and sons, all the stories and tales, and many of the different versions and name changes are easy to search and find in Mythology.

Mythology is a great little reference book that covers both the Greek and Roman myths. It's a great resource for any writer's bookshelf.

For this title and others of inspiration to writers visit The Writer's Bookshelf.

3. Feature Article

Ten Steps to Better Listening
by Adrian Savage

Talking is the least important half of any conversation. Listening is the real skill. Listening for what is being said, what is being omitted and what's being given a 'spin."

You won't get what you need from any conversation unless you know how to listen correctly -- and know what to listen for. Questions, properly used, draw out what you need to hear. But they will be useless unless you listen closely enough to catch what people are telling you. Here are some crucial guidelines for listening: what to listen for and how to make sure you don't miss it.

1. Stay in the moment.

Don't allow your attention to drift. Don't let your mind run ahead, preparing the next question or anticipating the flow of conversation. Stay right here. This is where the action is. Don't miss it.

2. Don't fear pauses.

Many people are afraid they'll look stupid if there's a pause while they consider what to say next, so they tune out part way through the answer to start preparing.

Listening to the answer is far more vital than having the next comment ready as soon as the other person draws breath. Thought is much faster than speech. It may feel as if minutes pass while you get your next question ready, but it will be a few seconds at most; a few seconds in which the person you're talking with will see you have truly listened. Which will best encourage openness: being slick with the next question or showing you truly listened to the last answer?

3. Listen to "what" then "how" and lastly "why"

Always listen in this order. Get the basic facts clear first (the "what"), then move on to see how they fit together (the "how"). Lastly, try to understand why -- the motives, thoughts and intentions behind the actions and behaviors. Listening like this will show you right away where essential parts of the story are missing, so you can ask a question to draw them out.

4. Watch for patterns. Patterns are the most revealing elements in any person's story: patterns or action, patterns of choices, patterns of responses to others. Any specific action may be no more than chance. We all make bad choices and take wrong turns. None of that is specially important. But if there is a pattern of bad decisions -- or a pattern of good, courageous ones -- that suggests a recurring trait that will apply in the future as much as it has in the past.

I can't tell you how to do this. Some people seem almost incapable of noting patterns, even after you've pointed them out. It's all about spotting links between seemingly disconnected topics; the kind of links you get in a good mystery novel where the detective pieces all the clues together into an unanswerable proof of guilt.

What I can suggest is that you practice. Like all skills, practice will improve your performance. The more practice you have, the easier it will be, until you can do it in real time.

5. In formal discussions, make notes, but not obsessively.

Taking notes is good practice, just so long as it doesn't interfere with the natural flow of the discussion. Don't allow long pauses while you break eye-contact to scribble on your pad.

The simplest suggestion is to note just a word or two and fill in the blanks immediately after the interview when the detail is still fresh in your mind. Don't assume you'll remember what "toes" meant when twenty-four hours have passed.

6. Watch for eye and body movements.

We communicate in many ways beyond words. But don't fall for pop-psychology interpretations of body language. Shifting in the seat may mean anxiety about some deception. But it may also mean the other person is too hot, too cold, or needs the bathroom. There is never a simple, perfect "interpretation" of so-called body language. It's best to see it for what it is: a sign that something is going on that might demand your attention. Use it as a wake-up signal and you won't go wrong.

7. Never argue or get emotional.

Whatever the other person says in a formal conversation, however much you disagree or loathe what's being said, never, never rise to the bait. Be respectful, without implying agreement or disagreement. Keep your attention alert and your mind open. You have a job to do, not a debate to win. Getting into an argument will interfere with your purpose.

8. Listen for tone and choice of words.

One of the least conscious parts of speaking is the tone we use: relaxed, tight, anxious, angry. Listening to the tone can alert you to meanings far beyond the literal interpretation of the words used.

Does the other person sound at ease? Tense? Uncertain? Angry? Sad? What might this suggest? Does it form a pattern?

Our choice of words can sometimes be a giveaway too. Especially if that choice results in using emotional or judgmental words. If I say a customer is "demanding," that's an objective outlook. If I use words like "awkward," "nasty," "deceitful," "dishonest," or "bloody-minded," I am being judgmental and revealing my emotions as well. Which tells you more about my attitude?

Just remember not to over-react to a single instance. Maybe that customer was dishonest. It happens. Look for patterns that suggest a fixed attitude.

9. Remember you're hearing a story.

Listen for the ebb and flow; the big themes and central ideas. Ask yourself: "What's this story all about? How has it developed? Where's it going?" Don't concentrate on isolated facts. Look for the patterns and how they fit together to form the story of that person's life to date.

10. Smile.

Nothing is more disarming than a smile. Nothing better conveys interest and respect. With so much going on in your head -- asking questions, listening to the answers with rapt attention -- it's easy to come across as stuffy and miserable. Smile. Relax.

You have plenty of time and this person in front of you is really very interesting. Never hurry. Wait until you are sure the other person has said all there is to be said. Those silences while you wait to see if there's more to come are your most powerful technique. Most people cannot resist filling them -- often with all the things they knew they ought not to mention.

Smile. Relax. Wait. It will all come pouring out.

About the Author
=================================================================
Adrian Savage, http://www.pusch-ridge.com Adrian has published in leading British and American publications and been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and The Chicago Tribune. An Englishman by birth, he lives in Tucson, Arizona and publishes Fat Cat Monthly (http://www.fatcatmonthly.com) THE resource for self improvement, personal growth and career development for knowledge workers; and E-Mentor (http://www.thevirtualmentor.net),an E-zine for people interested in applying ethical thinking to practical business leadership issues.

4. A Writer Tidbit

Another of my favorite online research sites is Bartleby.com. When you do a search on Bartleby, you not only search dozens of dictionaries and reference texts, you're search can also run through hundreds of classic works of poetry and fiction. This search feature makes it easy to find in-text references to people, events, places, and eras that can add depth to your writing.

5. About the Fabulist Flash

ISSN: 1554-0804

The Fabulist Flash is dedicated to helping freelance writers find resources and inspiration.

When you forward The Fabulist Flash to your friends please do so in its entirety.

If someone forwarded you this copy and you'd like to begin receiving The Fabulist Flash in your own inbox go to www.FabulistFlash.com to join the mailing list.

We’re open to ideas and suggestions for future issues. Let us know if there’s something you’d like to see or learn about, what you’ve enjoyed and would like to see more of, or just want us to know you think The Fabulist Flash is fabulous. Send your comments and ideas to editor@fabulistflash.com.

-------------------------------

Interested in being a guest columnist? Published Guest Columnists receive $25 for their 500-600 word article, plus a byline credit. Visit The Fabulist Flash Writer Guidelines for more information.

-------------------------------

The Fabulist Flash mailing list is maintained through Café Press. You're receiving this newsletter because you signed up for The Fabulist Flash through a click box. If you no longer wish to receive The Fabulist Flash see the instructions at the end of your newsletter for removing your name from our mailing list. You can also contact Café Press customer service at: 1515 Aurora Drive / San Leandro, CA 94577 1-877-809-1659

The Fabulist Flash NEVER lends, sells, or distributes its email subscriber list to anyone.

Contact The Fabulist Flash:

Email
Editor@FabulistFlash.com

Snail Mail
Gregory A. Kompes, editor
The Fabulist Flash
PO Box 570368
Las Vegas, NV 89157

Best Sellers
=================================================================
This Week's New York Times Best Sellers